Happiness is a Warm Poop

Listen, I'm going to drop some knowledge on y'all:

It's a pretty bad idea to pretend like you don't have to poop when you really do. I did that today with the shit I had been anticipating: uncooked ramen + Big K orange soda. It was a painful two days late, and then when it did hit I had to pretend like I didn't have to take the shit of my life because my roommate's friends wouldn't stop talking to me. When I finally hobbled over to the water closet, everything was happening way too fast. It was over before I knew it had begun. I studied my latest deposit: its porousness, its bouyancy, its similarity to a pool toy, its raw sienna color, the fact that I didn't remember eating parsley.

I came to the conclusion that junk food makes often horrifying and always unpredicatable poops. If you want your colon to be a veritable Russian Shit Roulette then eat as much ramen and cheap soda as you possibly can. Otherwise, steer clear.

-Avocado Seed