Who Shat Ya?

i have given myself lactose intolerance.

let me explain.

after about 10 months of not drinking milk, i had my capn cruch with regular milk a couple days in a row. i had no idea that my body would process it this badly. i'm talking room-clearing farts, stomach pains, and horrifying, endless cake-batter-consistency shits. has all of the lactose left my system yet? will my mother mind the jackson pollock reproduction in the toilet bowl? can i pass it off as art? do the neighbors think they live next to a paper mill? will i have to move?



:(

love,
avocado seed (is scared and smelly and wants this to stop)

lemme be your drain tonight

hippo poop

livin 2 poop

poopin all over the world

tleaf

POOPY-DUZ-IT

true story, real talk
strangest bm of my life

im sittin on the pot
it came out like a fart
hmm
i wipe
i observe
i flush
it won't go down, it doesn't move at all
not an inch
not a centimeter, nothing
this is bad, real bad
andy warhol
im panicking, so many questions
what did i eat to cause this?
is that what happens when you huff too much computer duster?
am i mutating?
no toilet brush in sight, besides
that's nasty
i grab some shampoo-- no dice
i grab some face wash-- this is not acne
chloraseptic-- nothing
finally, a solution
my angel in a bottle
four zero nine
giddy up




if u r a fan of mi poetry u can hit me up on my muthafuckin myspace
TEA "LADY GINSBERG" LEAF, OUT

summer poopin, had me a blast

summer dumps should be the best
unfortunately for me, myself and miss tea leaf, they have been less than stellar
my last 3 movements have been of the waterfall variety
but it's ok
things are looking up
i'm going to jonbenet's grave tomorrow
that should fix everything

over
n
out
-t. leaf

Tha Sharter 3: Tha Leak

have you ever sharted? like, thought you were gonna fart but then gotten a not so sweet surprise for your troubles? yeah... it happens to everyone. not many are willing to admit it. but you know what? deep down inside, there's a little shart in all of us. why do you think "shart" is just one letter away from "hart." it's biological yall. so anyhow. become a proud sharter. every time u make a shart, tell the whole world. make a tshirt. "if u r reading this i just sharted. deal with it." dwi. SHART SOLIDARITY. THE MOVEMENT.

JEAN-PAUL SHART OUTTT!!! BYRD GANG PPPRRRRR

Please Please Please Let Me Shit What I Want

I mistook this one as a fart, which happens sometimes. Don't worry though guys I made it. As far as quickness goes, I give this one an 8.5 out of 10. For cleanness, however, it gets a 2 out of 10. It kept lingering and I wound up using more paper than usual, which is not very Green of me. As far as look and texture goes, it went a little something like this:


Literally half a dozen small pinecones, you guys. I give it a 10 out of 10 for beauty.

Also, I watched a movie last night involving the most poignant use of poop-- Slumdog Millionaire. It combined two of my and Tea Leaf's favorite things: cute children and poops. A little boy was literally covered from head to toe in strangers' fecal matter and he couldn't have looked cuter. Poop Salute to Slumdog, ya hearrrrd


<3 Avocado Seed

hey there lonely turd

i managed quite a feat this morning
an elephant head with a missing tusk
i stared at its indescribable beauty for a solid minute
so proud
the corn stuck on his trunk and his devastating lack of a body only made him that much more beautiful
obama obama obama

~tea leaf~

IN MEMORIAM

R.I.P
poopin hustler extraordinaire
lil g' managed to drop a deuce in tea leaf's hair and snow bunny's hand
a true pro in the game
we miss u already boo

POOP SURVEY POOP SURVEY POOP SURVEY

Subject #1
tea leaf: how do you feel about poop?
disgusted female: gross
tea leaf: why?
disgusted female: it smells bad and looks nasty

Subject #2
tea leaf: how do you feel about poop?
enthusiastic little lady: I LOVE POOPING! Pooping is great if you're regular. DO YOU LIKE POOP?
tea leaf: i love poop. i have a poop blog for cryin out loud

Subject #3
tea leaf: how do you feel about poop?
indifferent xx: it's ok i guess

Technicolor Dream Poop

I shat out a calico cat.

No but seriously. I don't know what food combinations I had that caused this, but I'm going to try and replicate it every day of my life. In my handiwork I saw various shades of brown, mahogany, burnt sienna, raw sienna, chestnut, and a deep burnished bronze. A beautiful rare shit rainbow. I am beside myself with pride.


4V0C4D0_533D

this poops for you

the predator
i promise you
it was the predator

tea leaf

FIVE MINUTE FOOT LONG

juss chillin diz mornin' az uzual on da kan
i look down 2 wipe and i see a motha effin subway sandwich veggie patty chicken teriyaki meatball footlong shit chillin in da bowl
dat is, if subz wuz dookie
n e waiz
lookin fo cow shit wit homiez cuz dey wan git dey crunk on so we wuz like wurz da ppoop
and dis one nigga wuz like "erthang poops sometime stupid"
wisdum straight out da burbs

dass wut WU told ya bby
word is bond

burd nezt

poop in the name of love

ok so i was all ready to write a beautiful poop blog this morning BUT
i was pooping in an empty room not belonging to me and as i return to the bedroom area, i sit on the carpet begin to reach for my computer and THEN
the rightful owner of said room enters and i scurry and run away like i just stole something

oopz

it was a good poop though

tea leafin'