too many stool softeners and i'm nervous

i must leave for class in just over an hour

i made the horrible mistake of ingesting three surfactants before i laid my head to rest last night

oh the many directions my day could take from here...

c u thur

4evr yrz,

t-leef

G0 HEAD AND GET YA REFUND MUTHAFUCKAZ I AIN'T DEAD

tonight i lay to rest seahorse in a toilet of thy own

but now we speak of poops prior

the best shit of my life (or year)

and its a secret

forbidden pooping

where did i leave it

i can't tell you

i just can't do it

it's why my hair is so big

it's full of secrets

xoxo tea leaf

this is black dookie rap

mi hero:
Homeless Man Plays with Poop on Valley Light Rail

poop blog we go hard

Who Shat Ya?

i have given myself lactose intolerance.

let me explain.

after about 10 months of not drinking milk, i had my capn cruch with regular milk a couple days in a row. i had no idea that my body would process it this badly. i'm talking room-clearing farts, stomach pains, and horrifying, endless cake-batter-consistency shits. has all of the lactose left my system yet? will my mother mind the jackson pollock reproduction in the toilet bowl? can i pass it off as art? do the neighbors think they live next to a paper mill? will i have to move?



:(

love,
avocado seed (is scared and smelly and wants this to stop)

lemme be your drain tonight

hippo poop

livin 2 poop

poopin all over the world

tleaf

POOPY-DUZ-IT

true story, real talk
strangest bm of my life

im sittin on the pot
it came out like a fart
hmm
i wipe
i observe
i flush
it won't go down, it doesn't move at all
not an inch
not a centimeter, nothing
this is bad, real bad
andy warhol
im panicking, so many questions
what did i eat to cause this?
is that what happens when you huff too much computer duster?
am i mutating?
no toilet brush in sight, besides
that's nasty
i grab some shampoo-- no dice
i grab some face wash-- this is not acne
chloraseptic-- nothing
finally, a solution
my angel in a bottle
four zero nine
giddy up




if u r a fan of mi poetry u can hit me up on my muthafuckin myspace
TEA "LADY GINSBERG" LEAF, OUT

summer poopin, had me a blast

summer dumps should be the best
unfortunately for me, myself and miss tea leaf, they have been less than stellar
my last 3 movements have been of the waterfall variety
but it's ok
things are looking up
i'm going to jonbenet's grave tomorrow
that should fix everything

over
n
out
-t. leaf

Tha Sharter 3: Tha Leak

have you ever sharted? like, thought you were gonna fart but then gotten a not so sweet surprise for your troubles? yeah... it happens to everyone. not many are willing to admit it. but you know what? deep down inside, there's a little shart in all of us. why do you think "shart" is just one letter away from "hart." it's biological yall. so anyhow. become a proud sharter. every time u make a shart, tell the whole world. make a tshirt. "if u r reading this i just sharted. deal with it." dwi. SHART SOLIDARITY. THE MOVEMENT.

JEAN-PAUL SHART OUTTT!!! BYRD GANG PPPRRRRR

Please Please Please Let Me Shit What I Want

I mistook this one as a fart, which happens sometimes. Don't worry though guys I made it. As far as quickness goes, I give this one an 8.5 out of 10. For cleanness, however, it gets a 2 out of 10. It kept lingering and I wound up using more paper than usual, which is not very Green of me. As far as look and texture goes, it went a little something like this:


Literally half a dozen small pinecones, you guys. I give it a 10 out of 10 for beauty.

Also, I watched a movie last night involving the most poignant use of poop-- Slumdog Millionaire. It combined two of my and Tea Leaf's favorite things: cute children and poops. A little boy was literally covered from head to toe in strangers' fecal matter and he couldn't have looked cuter. Poop Salute to Slumdog, ya hearrrrd


<3 Avocado Seed

hey there lonely turd

i managed quite a feat this morning
an elephant head with a missing tusk
i stared at its indescribable beauty for a solid minute
so proud
the corn stuck on his trunk and his devastating lack of a body only made him that much more beautiful
obama obama obama

~tea leaf~

IN MEMORIAM

R.I.P
poopin hustler extraordinaire
lil g' managed to drop a deuce in tea leaf's hair and snow bunny's hand
a true pro in the game
we miss u already boo

POOP SURVEY POOP SURVEY POOP SURVEY

Subject #1
tea leaf: how do you feel about poop?
disgusted female: gross
tea leaf: why?
disgusted female: it smells bad and looks nasty

Subject #2
tea leaf: how do you feel about poop?
enthusiastic little lady: I LOVE POOPING! Pooping is great if you're regular. DO YOU LIKE POOP?
tea leaf: i love poop. i have a poop blog for cryin out loud

Subject #3
tea leaf: how do you feel about poop?
indifferent xx: it's ok i guess

Technicolor Dream Poop

I shat out a calico cat.

No but seriously. I don't know what food combinations I had that caused this, but I'm going to try and replicate it every day of my life. In my handiwork I saw various shades of brown, mahogany, burnt sienna, raw sienna, chestnut, and a deep burnished bronze. A beautiful rare shit rainbow. I am beside myself with pride.


4V0C4D0_533D

this poops for you

the predator
i promise you
it was the predator

tea leaf

FIVE MINUTE FOOT LONG

juss chillin diz mornin' az uzual on da kan
i look down 2 wipe and i see a motha effin subway sandwich veggie patty chicken teriyaki meatball footlong shit chillin in da bowl
dat is, if subz wuz dookie
n e waiz
lookin fo cow shit wit homiez cuz dey wan git dey crunk on so we wuz like wurz da ppoop
and dis one nigga wuz like "erthang poops sometime stupid"
wisdum straight out da burbs

dass wut WU told ya bby
word is bond

burd nezt

poop in the name of love

ok so i was all ready to write a beautiful poop blog this morning BUT
i was pooping in an empty room not belonging to me and as i return to the bedroom area, i sit on the carpet begin to reach for my computer and THEN
the rightful owner of said room enters and i scurry and run away like i just stole something

oopz

it was a good poop though

tea leafin'

they poop.... aw made you look

two dumplings, quietly
it is early and i do not wish to disturb those around me

(tea leaf)

BURD FEWD

yesterday,
my poop = one green chicken drumstick

heheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
=====================================
/////////////////////////////////////
looks pretty.

find my poop on lookbook.

luv,
snow bunnnnnnnnnnayayayayayayayayaaaya

2nd this morning

funnel cake

xoxo tea leaf

jurassic poop

neck and head of this guy
i promise you, he was smiling at me

~*~*~*~T34 L34F~*~*~*~

shawty you the shit

HELL TO THE YES

ONE BIG ASS GREEN PLANTAIN AFTER BRUNCH
FUCK YES
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
BUT THE CABLE IS BROKEN
SO I'M STILL GONNA KILL MYSELF

BYE!!!!

~~*@#$*~#()TEA LEAF!*@#$*~

Happiness is a Warm Poop

Listen, I'm going to drop some knowledge on y'all:

It's a pretty bad idea to pretend like you don't have to poop when you really do. I did that today with the shit I had been anticipating: uncooked ramen + Big K orange soda. It was a painful two days late, and then when it did hit I had to pretend like I didn't have to take the shit of my life because my roommate's friends wouldn't stop talking to me. When I finally hobbled over to the water closet, everything was happening way too fast. It was over before I knew it had begun. I studied my latest deposit: its porousness, its bouyancy, its similarity to a pool toy, its raw sienna color, the fact that I didn't remember eating parsley.

I came to the conclusion that junk food makes often horrifying and always unpredicatable poops. If you want your colon to be a veritable Russian Shit Roulette then eat as much ramen and cheap soda as you possibly can. Otherwise, steer clear.

-Avocado Seed

NO ONE ON THE CORNER HAD SWAGGER LIKE QADDAFI

this has absolutely nothing to do with anything but can we all just take a moment and admire this beautiful man

wholly shits

MOTHER OF ALL POOPS RIGHT HERES

I feels so gewd.

Korean fewd = Gewd Pewp

xoxo Sno' Bunni

realist shit ya ever quote

TODAY WAS BEAUTIFUL OH MY GOSH
I CAN'T STRESS IT ENOUGH
FOUR SQUARE WITH 5TH GRADERS
CHICKEN AND WAFFLEZ WITH BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE
OBAMA IS STILL PRESIDENT
JUST DROPPED A BANANA IN SNOW BUNNY'S TOILET
OH GOSH
OH GOSH
HOW CAN THIS DAY GET ANY BETTER
HOW

it can't

-tea leaf

lolli lolli lemme see u poop in that potty

had the most delicious meal EVAR at gladys knight's chicken n wafflezz joint
twas
beautiful
sat at triple 6 mafiaz table
i aint shitt u mayne
got back, bragged
pooped in snow bunny'z toilet
3 mini meatballs
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHE

xoxo tea leaf

PS
OMG BRB IM GONNA MAKE ANOTHER MOVEMENT IN HER OUTHOUSE AGAIN BRBRBRBRB

just the poop of us

on tuesday april 21st, will2k9
i pulled off another impressive feat

i pooped in a lupton hall bathroom
after hours

xoxo tea leaf

Shittin On the Dock of the Bay

Uh oh.
I knew this one was going to be trouble the minute I felt it rumble in my colon. I'd eaten about half a pound of peanut brittle and four chicken nuggets and two chicken strips because they ran out of nuggets and put strips in there. My poop took a good while and had the consistency of soft-serve ice cream. The color was un-miraculous, looking like any drab shit that anyone could take. It sat at the bottom of the bowl and looked at me languidly, so I flushed it out of contempt. I like my shits to be speedy and friendly, and this one was neither of these.

Also I'm considering eating glitter to give my poops more pizazz. Thoughts?

<33333333
Augacate Tha Seed

Poop Troubles

It's always a troubling problem when one finds they are unable to poop. Certainly those of us here are no strangers to the mystical wonders of defecation, and along the same lines, we know the joys of the act itself. There's a certain delight in every bowel movement that cannot be denied. A je ne sais quoi.

So what, then, when we are deprived of this? I speak, certainly, of constipation. I have found myself in just such a situation. I have recently begun eating meat again--for the first time in four years. Just yesterday I ate my first burger in years, and now, I find I am unable to experience a meat poop. My woes and agonies are certainly to be understood. My laments fall not onto deaf ears.

Not all the fiber in the world, not all the ex-lax or cigarettes or coffee could make me pass the sadness that has solidified in my body. My rectum has become a place of empty dreams. I may never know the wonders that I should have known.

I miss you, burger poop.

And I also miss you, toilet paper.

May we all see brighter days--
~Squirrel Whisperer

international poopers anthem

there's really something about the library
gets my bowels goin
4 large penne style macaroni noodles

jon bon jovi is a pisces
gimme the poop
gimme the poop

~*TEA LEAF*~

UPDATE YALL 1:50 AM
8 MORE PENNEZ
HELL MUTHAFUCKIN YES
I COUNTED
8 OF EM
PRAISE WEEZUS F. BABY

update #3
http://www.gaythugdating.com/
i found my main squeeze thomas on this site, i highly recommend it
we so happy

b-a-n-a-n-a-s!

This shit is bananas!

Seriously, today was amazing. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

Noontime, I laid a family of bananas,
Then in the evening, a close-up version of the bananas I laid earlier.

Last few days have been great poop-wise.
Friday, I gave birth to boulders that were reminiscent of a rocky canyon even though I’ve never been to one. Saturday, I gave birth to a family of poo that looked a lot like the matza ball soup that I had last week.

Shit.

Welcome new writers: Burd Nest, Peach Fuzz, Kittybump, and Avocado Seed. You guys know a lot of words. Sometimes too many for me to read.

Holla, betchez.

Poopily,
Snow Bunny

Poop A Doop

Yesterday I ate pho and sweet potato fries and the combination created a poop color the likes of which I have never seen. The color was a combination of the terra cotta used by the Ancient Greeks to create stories on the sides of vases and also the color of the Grand Canyon at sunset. It took my breath away (literally, it was pretty stank) but my unfortunate flushing reflex took my Beauty Shit away from me too soon.

Today I ate guacamole and drank a caramel macchiato with three shots. This caused some sort of chemical chain reaction and I pooped the speediest poop ever pooped by a non-sea dwelling mammal. At first it started out pretty slow and I got a little anticipatory, and then it suddently rushed into the toilet like a rocket. As I stared down at my handiwork, I was reminded of dogwood blossoms in late spring. My poops sat suspended in the water like magic whispers. Another reluctant flush soon followed.

The other week I ate Sweet N Spicy Doritos and drank some PBR, which surprisingly led to a healthy, solid poop that was very quick and clean. The last time I had PBR I thought I was dying of dysentery, which made me want to download Oregon Trail for free. My computer almost got a virus. I will totally keep you guys posted on the consistency of my liquor shits from now on. You're welcome, k.

Lately my poops have been remarkably speedy and clean, which I believe is a sign of God's approval of me.

xoxo, AvocadoSeed

my president is black, my poopoo is green

10 Causes for Green Poop
* Salmonella - can cause greenish stool (usually diarrhea)
* Giardia - can cause greenish stool (usually diarrhea)
* Swallowed postnasal drip - ie. from an upper respiratory disorder
* Intestinal disorder
* Starvation stools - usually in children; green watery stool caused by being on a liquid diet for a few days (e.g. if ill)
* See also dark stool, blood in stool, or stool color changes
* Normal breast-fed baby
* Gastroenteritis
* Certain foods
* Some cow milk formulas

oopz what we do

xoxo tea leaf

CALM DOWN

I NEED TO CALM DOWN
4 MOVEMENTS IN 2 DAYS
ALL GREEN
I NEED TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN
SOULJA BOY, DIDDY, LUDACRIS JIM JONES AND MARTHA STEWART ALL HAVE TWITTERS
I
NEED
2
CALM
DOWN


HELP,
TEALEAADEAAF

hi mommy, hi daddy

i bought so much grape soda today
it was a show of solidarity
i love taxes, i love maury and i love grape soda

a green meatball

all you skirts know wassup with snow bunny
she's sittin across from me
r
u
jealous?

leaf, tea

The Past

Every time I rest my rump on the toilet seat, a flood of past shits overwhelms my mind. I push and grunt a new one out, but nothing ever tops my most prized product of my bowels. One day, I hope to top this shit.

Have you ever been this happy about shit?

Never since then, have I smiled so big after a satisfying shit. It has been 2 years since that Costa Rica trip in which I contracted some gastrointestinal bug that inhibited me from digesting food properly.

One day, just one day, I will return to the rain forest and create beautiful shit again!

Give me some hope Lord. I need this.

Yours Truly,
Kittybump

IN LOVING MEMORY

Today, we remember the imminent flush of possibly the greatest log to ever float on this side of the Mississippi. Sometime in the Fall of 2008 while stumbling into the public bathroom of a collegiate establishment, I came across an all too familiar and welcoming scent. My nose led me to a lonely stall on the far corner of this lobby restroom and there I saw the most amazing natural wonder to befall upon my eyes. I hope that we can all learn to appreciate the amazing girth and rugged texture of such an incredible specimen. On this day, we remember not only an inspiring poop but the determination to pass this dump of epic proportions.

Yours truly,

P3@cH FuzZ

MY MIDDLE NAME MUST BE POOPZ GOOD

one deep fried plantain
fucking solid as barack
what a world,
what a world

realest shit i never wrote,

tea leaf

NU KID ON DA BLOQ

yo its ur boi Burd Nezt reddy to git so nsty in hear

a lil intro bio type is im 17, rockin teh burbs cuz u know even weezy f. baby chillin in the burbs tho he street as a mutha, i play dominos wen i kick it wit my bois

well i mean shit (liturully) i go drop sum deuces erday b4 school
word is bond i go twice a day, b4 school lyk i sed and after, so i get it all figured out but if ders eva sumthin that com out my chili ring dat is mindblowing ill be sho to let a brotha kno on dis blog (my furst you know wuts up xfiregirl019)

now its time fo me to learn up on reserve ratio of some motha federal reserve ben bernake typ shit so peace n middul yeast

- burd nezt

3PEAT

i've just pooped in the library bathroom for the third time in two weeks.
somethin like a hot cross bun or two
one a penny
two a penny
hot cross buns

4ever URZ,
tea to the leaf

UPDATE:
i just scratched my armpit through the hole in my shirt
the joys of having this room to myself

UPDATE #2:
I JUST POOPED IN THE LIBRARY BATHROOM AGAIN!!!!! IT'S 2:20AM AND I'M STILL POOPING IN THE LIBRARY!!!!
IT WAS A BANANA

ps everythingz gone green if you know what i mean

UPDATE #3 4:24 AM
JUST FARTED
STILL IN THE LIBRARY
FARTIN

You can't rush art.

That is your pooop lesson for the day.

Also, welcome to the blog, Steele Poop, we're excited for you to be a part of us.

Anyways, back to the lesson.
I had difficulty all throughout today carrying a load of poopage in me.
I was patient, and a happy family of fish swam out of me just a moment ago.
It was beautiful. I nearly cried if I hadn't realized that toilet paper is NOT made for wiping away tears.



XOXO,
Snow Bunny

Freudian Pooping

I had a dream last night that I woke up with an intense sensation emerging from my bowels. I was confused, but I felt that the safest course of action would be to go to the bathroom. I proceeded to wail and scream in anguish as I unloaded some heavy volumes of poop into my delicate toilet that sits low to the ground. Because it was a dream, I'm not sure if it was a speedy expidition or not, but I distinctly remember looking over at my door near the end where I saw my dog watching me with a worried look in her eyes, and fell over dead.

- Steele Poop

make it last 4ever

steady chain of mini meatballs after prom

overwhelmed with gratitude,
tea leaf

Hello, World!

HAPPY EASTER!!!!

Oh, I wish, but I didn't.
It was much smaller and leaner.

Wouldn't it be marvelous if we could poop out eggs?

Your Truly,
Snow Bunny

I PUT ON 4 MY SHITTY

took a brief intermission during breakfast and let out a glue stick and a kernel of corn
when i say a kernel of corn i mean
you could actually see it in all its glory
a fine kernel of corn
completely edible
i
shit
you
not

-tea "misty likes me better" leaf

Houston,

-Request to land Rocket Poop from Snow Bunny's Butt
to Planet Toilet.

Over and Out.
Snow Bunny

-Snow Bunny,
Permission given to land Rocket Poop onto Planet Toilet.
America, GREAT SUCCESS!

Special shoutz out to my home boy J-Kizzle, Esther, Uncle Jesse, Anna, and that Molly chick.

YOGOLIAR

so i made this friend who pushes frozen yogurt
he was all "ARE YOU LACTOSE INTOLERANT??"
i said "YES!!!"
yogurtman goes "ME TOO!! AND I EAT THIS 7 TIMES A DAY!!! WHOOO!!!"
i am a very trusting person

a melted ice cream scoop and some extra chocolate sauce

horrible.

4ever n alwayz,
tea leaf

HOLY MOTHER OF KARL MALONE

chicken and corn
and half of every carnival food you can think of
add that all up and what do you get?
ANOTHER EXCLAMATION POINT!!!!
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?
LUCK OF THE UTAHN I TELL YOU
LUCK OF THE UTAHN

-tea leaf
ps hi anna

no seriously

we are in the library
and snow bunny won't stop farting
i'm so ashamed
but impressed

"people don't know shit"- snow bunny

-tea leaf

ps hi molly

Sad News

Couldn't Wouldn't Shouldn't Didn't

Pewp Tewday

No No No Way

Is that all there is to say?

The Jewish fewd makes me clogged up.

TEA LEAF TRIED SEDUCING ME WITH DEVIL EYEZ

I said No No No.

Con Amor,
Snow Bunny
If I pooped 25 times a day, I wewd lewk lyke hurr.

Update: I fart in seakrett

walkin on poopshine

TOOK ALL MY MEDZZZ N VITAMYNZ 2DAY. ATE LOTSA BLACK BEAN SOUP. POOPED AGAIN.
it was like dark confetti
in a good way
i think

tea leaf signing off

ps hi shah

Before tonight's over,

I just have to say that I birthed

1 sausage and 2 mutated olives out of my butthole.

With love,
Snow Bunny

YO SOY CACA DIOSA

3 BOWLS OF BLACK BEAN SOUP TODAY
3
BOWLS
THATS WHAT I ATE TODAY
BLACK BEAN SOUP

AND WHAT DID I GET IN RETURN?
A BANANA SPLIT
HELL.
YES.

TEA LEAF 4 PRESIDENT

oh my gosh

OH HAPPY DAY. I'M JUST SITTIN HERE WATCHING THE TYRA BANKS SHOW WITH AN ORANGE SCENTED COMPANION. I TOOK A BATHROOM BREAK AND JUST UNLEASHED AN EXCLAMATION POINT! THATS RIGHT
ONE OF THESE !
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

TEA LEAF IN YO AREA

OOPS

Wad up, world.
This yo gurl Snow Bunnany Nay, and lissen up.
Last night I ates a CRAP loads of fewd, and couldn't excrete. Just couldn't.

Tewday, after lunch, I pooped so much that it wouldn't flush down.
It took three motherfucking flushes, betches!!!

Queen on top of Da World,
Snow Bunnay Nay

third party poop story

"it was very fresh"

-anonymous

tea leaf signing off

~*~**oOoOoPZ*~*~*~*~

today i wrote two pages of my paper, drank lots of white tea, took part in a psychology experiment that almost made me cry, whooped ass at basketball and made dinner conversation extremely awkward for at least four people. came back to my room and dropped two big grainy bananas off for lawd sewage.
was it all worth it?
HELL
YES

KEEP YO HEART TEA LEAF
KEEP YO HEART

listen up

3 grainy dumplings
that's all to report here

4ever yours,

tea leaf

LYKE OMG

T-LEEF GOT CRAP ON HURR PANTZ

LAWLZZARUS

LOVE,
Snow Bunny

hehehe

a banana and a disabled twin brother
it was weird

tea leaf loves you

OH EM JEE

2 sausages
1 dumpling

I said, DAMN!

2 SAUSAGES N 1 DUMPLING!!!

Hearts, Kisses, and Poop,
Snow Bunny

color me sadd

a single milk dud
i lead a shameful existence

- tea leaf

OH WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY

TODAY I WENT TO THE PARK AND ATE AT SUBWAY. I WAS SO FULL BUT I STOLE SOME CAKE FROM THE DINING HALL ANYWAY AND I'VE BEEN NIBBLING AT IT FOR A FEW HOURS NOW AND BOOM! ALONG COMES A LARGE MOIST LETTER C
BRILLIANT!!!

TEA LEAF 4EVA

GREAT SUCCESS, BETCHES

1 banana
1 peach

EAT THAT, HO!

(O and dis aint no april fools joke dis forrealz)

Peace Love and Poop,
Snow Bunny

12:15 on april fools

two jalapenos and a milk dud. i think it might rain. not a great day.

yours truly,
tea leaf