Yesterday I ate pho and sweet potato fries and the combination created a poop color the likes of which I have never seen. The color was a combination of the terra cotta used by the Ancient Greeks to create stories on the sides of vases and also the color of the Grand Canyon at sunset. It took my breath away (literally, it was pretty stank) but my unfortunate flushing reflex took my Beauty Shit away from me too soon.
Today I ate guacamole and drank a caramel macchiato with three shots. This caused some sort of chemical chain reaction and I pooped the speediest poop ever pooped by a non-sea dwelling mammal. At first it started out pretty slow and I got a little anticipatory, and then it suddently rushed into the toilet like a rocket. As I stared down at my handiwork, I was reminded of dogwood blossoms in late spring. My poops sat suspended in the water like magic whispers. Another reluctant flush soon followed.
The other week I ate Sweet N Spicy Doritos and drank some PBR, which surprisingly led to a healthy, solid poop that was very quick and clean. The last time I had PBR I thought I was dying of dysentery, which made me want to download Oregon Trail for free. My computer almost got a virus. I will totally keep you guys posted on the consistency of my liquor shits from now on. You're welcome, k.
Lately my poops have been remarkably speedy and clean, which I believe is a sign of God's approval of me.
xoxo, AvocadoSeed
I HEART MY DADDY
8 years ago
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